Just what the H*** is a CATTY MYTH!!!
A recent conversation with a lawyer friend of mine brought the same familiar sentiment 'A woman is another woman's biggest enemy.
I wanted to tell her, let's STOP propagating this narrative. And I would like to say it to all my readers. I have lived many instances when women have stood up for each other, far before Thrive took root in my mind. Mentors and coaches who helped me to jump back after career ramp downs or relocations or evolving roles at home, were mainly women.
I came across an article on the Queen Bee myth recently. It said that when women for whom being a woman isn’t a central aspect of their personality are biased based on gender, they display the Queen Bee behaviour. Simply put, a lack of gender solidarity that one woman faced makes her distance herself from other women and also at times pull them down. It’s an overly simplified way of justifying an environment where women are devalued.
Being a woman is central to my personality. I love who I am and what I bring to the table. And I genuinely believe that being a woman makes me more of who I am. That said, I am going to take this space to deconstruct this Queen Bee myth. When men are at each other’s throats, do we call them rampaging buffaloes? I think not. It is just another instance to show that in an environment where women aren’t considered equals, terms such as cat fights and catty myths and Queen Bee are accepted rather unequivocally (yes by women too!)
Women undermine each other, but not any more or less than a person might do in a competitive situation. The old boys’ club I assure you is not run purely on benevolence and generosity. Just like in any other institution, women run/ led establishments too manage their own politics, insecurities, angst, competition and rivalries. But since women are expected to have a softer side, a maternal piece, a nurturing aura, when a woman stands up for herself, it is immediately labelled catty or bossy, thereby drawing away all attention from the actual issue.
Thrive with mentoring, as I live and breathe, is an example of radical generosity perpetuated by women. Women to women mentoring at this scale, finding kin outside of your immediate circle, getting nudged in the right direction - all done by women, for women. Disagreements and conflicts are handled just like any other. Being a woman doesn’t give it a scarlet feel.
If you and your organisation are seeing a sudden onslaught of woman to woman challenges, it has much less to do with their gender than to do with the prevalent systems. Rather than looking at it from a gender lens, take a look at the structures and systems in play.
At Thrive, we believe in conversations and sharing, we lift each other up both professionally and personally. We understand that as women we are constantly called on to prove ourselves again and again. We understand how we look at power (too much power makes us feel like we are imposters, too little acknowledgement makes us invisible). We are a community of women who believe in each other. It is our mission to develop women through mentoring, where women safely challenge each other and learn from each other.
In short, Thrive enables women to dream, without setting the guidelines for what the rules should be. The next time you hear cat fight, or Queen Bee or a Bossy female leader - you know what- ignore those labels. They make no difference to the fire within you.
And next time a friend shares how another woman at work tried to pull her down, remind her how many women are pulling her up…
THE SUCCESS OF EVERY WOMAN SHOULD BE AN INSPIRATION TO ANOTHER. WE SHOULD RAISE EACH OTHER UP. MAKE SURE YOU’RE VERY STRONG, BE EXTREMELY KIND, AND ABOVE ALL BE HUMBLE."- Serena Williams, Tennis player
