How does Imposter Syndrome sneak up on you?

I

“I don’t think I deserve so much.”

She was squirming in her seat as she was being applauded for her extraordinary contribution at work.

You could see her discomfort with all the displays of appreciation. Sweaty, shaking hands - she wasn’t enjoying all of that. Her friend, Jyoti, sensed something was wrong. After the meeting was over, she took her to the pantry and asked what was going on.

To which she said, “I don’t think I deserve so much. I am afraid I will mess this all up at some point.”

II

“I have more than I can ask for.”

I remember a small incident from some time ago. There was a woman who used to work with us at the farm. A young strong woman who struck me as a very hardworking one. We were having a tea-time discussion. She was telling me about her family, her friends, and how she was blessed to be one of the very few ones to have gone to school in her family. When I asked her why she didn't continue, she said she got married and after that, life happened. I have heard stories like these many times. But there was more to this one.

She said, “My husband allows me to come to work. That’s more than enough for me. I don’t want to push it anymore. I have more than enough. I shouldn’t ask for anything more. That would be very selfish of me.”

III

“I am not enough for the role.”

Ada has worked in the HR industry for more than 15 years now. Her experience covers some very big organizations in the BPO industry. But she still hasn’t made it to the top. She has a vast knowledge of the industry; she gets along with people very well. But she dares not apply for a senior role, because - guess what - she thinks she is not good enough for it, lacks knowledge, lacks experience. She thinks she just doesn’t have enough to even apply for one.

I am not saying this only happens with women. But compared to men, the percentage is much higher.

We are far from pinning down one reason why this happens. Statistically questioning, “why do women think of themselves lesser than what they are.”

Why do women assess themselves lower than what they deserve as compared to men?

I have come across many such stories in my life, many as an executive coach. Imposter syndrome – that’s what this is. A feeling of perceiving ourselves to be less of who we are and what we are.

Women have been victims of imposter syndrome for a very long time. It’s time to change that.

A friend of mine once told me, “I want to think like a man.” This was new to me. I wondered what she meant. But I guess we all have answers in the question itself. If we just look closely.

Executive presence is a term that we often come across when we talk about leadership and personal brand. It directs to what people say about us when we are not around.

But there is a much more important question that we don’t ask.

That is,

what we say about ourselves, what we think about ourselves, with and without an audience.

With this article, I want to send a message to all of those who need to hear it – Get out there. Take a leap. Jump off the cliff if you have to (of course with a harness attached).

But today, do not assess yourself lesser than anyone, lesser than yourself. Do anything and more that you want for yourself. Then we can say, “I have enough.” 

It is OK to be take pride in our achievements. It is OK to talk about them.

It’s not overselling or showing off. It’s being proud of who we are. And we owe that to ourselves, don’t we?