Five ways through which Indian women can become better communicators
As mentioned in my previous articles and posts, I coach many Indian business women, and I have been doing so for quite a number of years now.
While every woman I have coached here, and her story is unique, there is a uniformity among most of them, not just in their strengths, but also in the challenges they face in personal and professional lives.
Every time I begin a coaching engagement, I am stunned by the occurrence of similar challenges.
Today, I will pick out ‘communications’ as an example.
Every woman I have coached in India shares the feeling of being a terrible communicator, in varying degrees.
Every woman, literally.
When I ask them to reflect and share more details, the responses are invariably similar in nature.
Self-assessments include the following statements:
“I am too aggressive”,
“I cannot communicate to the point”,
“I fall silent when I should speak up for fear of saying the wrong thing”,
“I am always in a dilemma if what I say is important enough to be said”,
“I cannot speak smart enough” …
I can on and on here but you get the drift.
But this perception doesn’t align to the innate strength of women - Communication.
Research suggests that women are by birth the better communicators on this planet. They appear to read body language and in between the lines better, they use more words, show more empathy, etc. I will not go into detail.
Just google the words “women better communicators” and let yourself be surprised by how many entries you will find directing you to the respective research.
So, to understand why is it that here in India, instead of priding themselves for the skills that they are born with, women feel like this is their biggest stigma or weakness, one has to deep dive and make way to history.
Where is this thought process coming from? Why there is so much fear of speaking up? Why is it that every time they want to speak up, an uninvited silence takes over?
Like this challenge, the reasons also converge at one point.
They have all been made to practise silence, to remain quiet, their entire life, until one day when they find a platform where they are expected to speak.
If you are a woman, how often were you told “Chup” (Shut-up) as a child?
Or not to speak loudly?
Or to speak gently and calmly, because that’s a woman’s way to be?
I can guess your answer. And I believe that answers a lot of questions for you.
You can be born the greatest communication talent ever – but if every little attempt to express yourself is suppressed, it’s no surprise that you will feel you lack communication skills.
The doubts, the resistance and the fears are understandable but there is also a need to stand up to those fears for what comes next, for a tomorrow where no other woman is told ‘Chup’. And if she is, then there are many more standing up around her to tell her otherwise.
How do we do that?
We need to begin from where we stand.
Practise self-awareness. We can’t proceed further, if we don’t come face to face with ourselves. Reflect and analyse when, why and with whom you become insecure.
Express rather than reacting emotionally and sulking. Sometimes, we take things personal where they are not meant to be. Take your time to understand the intention of your counterpart. If something troubles you, ask about it. Confront the person with respect. Consider the facts to come to a conclusion. Don’t let your emotions rule you.
Practise resilience. Do not give up. Practise, practise and practise again.
I want to take this opportunity to let you all, each one of you who feels that way, know that it’s not true. Trust me. You just need to face your fears and have a dialogue with your perceptions.
The good news is that it is quite easy to get rid of these fears and to acquire comfort. How?
Let me share with you the five steps to success at communication -
Enhancing your listening skills. Communication is not about saying, it’s about sharing. To be able to share your thoughts successfully, you must master the art of listening.
Understanding the mechanics of communication – the components, the process and the different types of messaging. The understanding of these elements adds power to your communication.
Understanding communication styles. To be able to communicate efficiently, you must understand yourself and the person you are communicating with – which communication style both of you fall into and how to put yourself into the other person’s shoes to understand their needs.
Learning some tricks to structure communication. Understanding how the communication flows in different settings, what works, what are the areas to experiment and so much more.
Practising using concrete business examples. There is no alternative to the saying - ‘Practise makes one perfect.’ The more you practise, the more you gain confidence and with enough confidence you can rule the world.
The individual journey will look slightly different and be tailored to the specific situation and context. But the above elements are almost an infallible recipe for success.
